When I found out I was pregnant for the last time, I honestly had mixed emotions. I was excited on one hand to finally complete our little family, but was honestly scared to start over. Who wouldn’t be scared senseless after 7 years. I thought this time around would throw off my entire schedule. Let’s be honest, a moms schedule is always blown out the water. Sleeping, is never the same. I mean you never really ever sleep the same once you enter into motherhood. By habit I still get up in the middle of the night to make sure my oldest is still breathing. Don’t ask me why I do, but I’m just that mom.
After I finally got my self in check and we found out that we were having a boy, my inner being went on an emotional rollercoaster. I couldn’t believe we were having yet another boy. I had only mentally prepared for a girl, girl names, girl activities, girl bonding time. I wanted a girl, period. I was in a state of shock for a week. I wanted my “perfect” family and another boy was throwing everything off. It’s amazing how we think what we want isn’t want we actually need in life. Who ever said a boy and girl would be the “American Dream.” What is the “American Dream?” I realized what I thought was unrealistic and had to let be, just be.
When I finally let go and took down all the barriers, I knew all would be well. Meeting Carter for the first time made all fears melt away. He wasn’t my “American Dream,” but so much more. He was what I was waiting for all my life. Who knew it would be take being scared, having self doubt and wanting a girl, would make me whole. Life couldn’t be sweeter. Thank God I get to wake up and look at this handsome face every morning.