The gratification of being a mom:
I honestly wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mom. My drive for success often clouded my mind, and I didn’t know if I wanted to add a child to the equation. Internally, it was a battle between being the “over achiever” and “playing it safe.” When my husband and I found out that we were pregnant with CJ, I was in utter disbelief. I was three months pregnant, and didn’t know it. Yes, it’s possible to be pregnant and not know. We literally got pregnant a month after being married, and didn’t find out until three months later. So, not only did my plans get derailed, they were flipped upside down.
I had so many emotions, but I was mainly upset. Like, no this baby didn’t just sneak in there, and mess up my life plans. Y’all, I am keeping it real - I was pissed off. I didn’t want to believe it. I was selfish. I cried for an hour straight. I thought I had ruined my entire life. Although I was married, I felt I wasn’t ready for motherhood. I thought I at least had until my mid-thirties to decide, but oh, how I was wrong.
You see, in life we try and plan things out. In our minds, we have everything figured out. We almost become obsessed with “our plan” versus “God’s Plan.” God knew I would have kept waiting, or pushed it off all together. He also knew that we needed CJ. CJ was the missing link, our humbling factor. He was our cool kid that lit our world.
When all my emotional walls of insecurity came down, everything started to fall into place. God started to show us how we could have both - success and a family! It was like overnight, we grew leaps and bounds. That’s a lesson right there. With obedience, come rewards!
To be honest, with CJ in our lives, we’ve done more than I could have ever dreamed of pre-motherhood. CJ has given us both a bigger purpose! We aren’t afraid to live, be bold, and take strategic risks. He is our reason!
As a mom, I don’t have a blue print. I am not perfect. I don’t do everything by the book; heck, is there even a book? I get up each morning and do my best. This mom thing, which I thought would be scary, is turning out to be the coolest job ever! I wouldn’t trade it for the world! I know who I am now!